if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize