New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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