Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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