The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
