I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
