had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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