that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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