FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
