im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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