I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
