Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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