I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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