so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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