He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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