dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
