her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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