I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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