I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
3 2 1 whiskey
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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