You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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