I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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