I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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