I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
