Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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