My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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