her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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