Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
