since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
