I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
