Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
