I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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