Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
