Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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