who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
