so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
