Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
