she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
