I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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