my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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