david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My bed is full of blood and feathers
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
