it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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