Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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