note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
