I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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