Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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