Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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