when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
