i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
