you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
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