Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
