I'm gonna have a badass scar
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
