At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm at about main and main street
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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