I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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