you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
