I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
did i walk over a car last night?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
