Kiss
Puke
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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