its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
