Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
