What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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