Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
