she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
