every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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