dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
